ENCOURAGER

What is a man?  

An alphabetical list of attributes to which every man should attain.

E

Encourager

What encouragement is NOT. Saying, “You can do anything you want if you put your mind to it”; Making promises that you know you cannot keep such as, “If you get all A’s on your report card, you can get into any college you want”;  Or giving false hope in the midst of a dire situation.  Often these types of words come out of our mouths because we want to be helpful.  Without much thought, we promise the world only to leaving those we love disappointed and disillusioned.

When a moment calls for the right words.  We often say nothing.  I’ve seen men caught in this bind when watching their children play sports.  It’s built into us to seek our Dad’s approval.  A child is struggling on the court or the field and they look to the most important man in their life only to see disappointment all over his face.   In these moments we need to ask if we are more concerned for our own reputations or the needs of our children.

So far we’ve only talked about words.  But physical presence conveys something that mere words can never match.  As a pastor, I’ve had to preside over many funerals.  I have sat with families in the hospital as we waited for the inevitable, but my presence communicated an attitude of encouragement even when words failed me.  We fail when we cowardly shy away from these moments of tragedy by saying, “I just didn’t know what to say.”  To show up relays more than words.

In the midst of words and presence, ultimately our attitude clearly shows itself.  We communicate so much in a nonverbal manner: the posture of our body, eye contact, a look of worry, confidence or nervousness.  Words are certainly important, but if said without a sincere attitude they fall flat.  Like a musician playing a piece, they do more than play the notes: they interpret the emotions of the composer, and create a moving performance.  Otherwise it sounds cold, calculating and mechanical.

So, words, presence and attitude all contribute to our power to be encouragers,  but so how is being an ‘encourager’ uniquely manly?  As a husband, I have the power to edify or destroy.  As a father, the fragile egos of our children are waiting to hear the approval of their daddy.  These two roles alone provide a supernatural opportunity to make an exponential effect upon the world.  Because what we give to our families is then multiplied through them to others.  

Biblically, the Bible considers a man’s role separate and distinct from the woman:  Ephesians 5:23-28, “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

Colossians 3:19, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”

21st century people react with offense at the word “submit”. Putting that aside for the moment,  look at what the man is called to do.  This is not oppressive, dominating behavior but one of a servant leader.  Jesus said in Matthew 20:28,  “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  Jesus, our Messiah, the Son of God, is our role model.

If these verses are true, then what am I to say?  Again, the Bible gives us the right words.  By submitting to Christ, we can be Jesus to the world around us.  Imagine using these words in these situations:

Examples:

You and your wife are in the midst of conflict and striving to find resolution, and you feel helpless to do the right thing:

Philippians 1:6 “…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

You are striving to keep your eyes pure as you struggle with lust:

Psalm 37:23-24, “The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.”

You are praying for your children to receive Christ as their Savior:

Mark 10:27, “Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.’”

Lastly, a man’s words of encouragement are unique because often they are usually direct and to the point.  Frequently, we are not experts in timing and our wives may even cringe when they hear how we talk…especially to each other.  But like Red Green* says, “We’re all in this together…I’m pullin’ for ya.”  

Questions:

1. Were words of encouragement said to you growing up?

2.    Do words of encouragement come easily to you or do you find yourself to be more     

       critical?

3.    What do you think about when you realize that your words have an exponential 

       effect on your wife, children, friends and employees?

4.    When you think about words, presence and attitude, in what area are you best and 

       worst?

*The Red Green Show is a favorite of ours.  Check it out:  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101177/