The Smoothing of the Stone....A Continuing Journey

Thirty two years ago I got the idea for a book that would outline the serpentine path that my life has taken.  Even then I had experienced significant pitfalls, broken relationships and rejection that I thought would kill me.  Not all was doom and gloom; these were mixed in with tremendous opportunities and blessings.  In an effort to gain perspective, I came up with the title, The Smoothing of the Stone  and began writing a blog in 2012, imagining that a book was forth coming.  Eleven years later I can look back and say, “Well, you might have had something to offer then, but now…oh boy…now look what you’ve got.”  Of course, maybe I should keep waiting because the stone, that is me, pitted and marred by the tossing and tumbling, still at times looks fairly smooth at first glance.  In the past ten years my seasoning process has stepped up a level.  Rejection of my character and personality has revealed flaws of which I was not aware.  I have been blessed to not have experienced these things alone, but my dear wife has stood by me, as well as dozens of close friends as they go through their own iron sharpening iron episodes.

In a court of law you need at least two witnesses to corroborate a testimony in order to prove its validity.  A couple of times in my life I have stood for what I thought was righteous and just.  As I spoke with friends and/or fellow employees I found agreement and support.  Thoughts were formulated and strategies were discussed.  We agreed upon the necessary solution.  But like Uriah going to war, when the battle was at its fiercest, some of those supposed compatriots pulled back and left me vulnerable.   

Am I uniquely wired for conflict?  Why do I not fear from where my next paycheck is coming?  In these years of tumbling and bumping along in the stream, what have I learned that has equipped me to lead the charge into battle?  Primarily, I believe in the sovereignty and providence of God.  I know His character and seek to delight in doing His will.  I wholeheartedly believe Psalm 56:10,11   

In God, whose word I praise,

    in the Lord, whose word I praise—

in God I trust and am not afraid.

    What can man do to me?

But these battles have had consequences.  They have left wounds that may have scabbed over, but are not healed.  In this process I have been flayed open by three “friends”.  “Friends”, because regardless of their intent have inadvertently participated in God’s surgical procedure and seasoning, designed specifically for me.  “Friends” is in quotations because these are not people I would have chosen.  God chose them.  I will not judge them for their actions, although great harm was wrought by their words and efforts.   

A phrase was coined to describe the effect of the damage done in these encounters: bleeding out.  Like the pits in a river stone that are only noticeable to an observant eye, the unhealed wound will ooze and puss in an otherwise healthy person when the conditions are right.  The right conditions being: revisiting the circumstance or opening the door for a conversation that invites vulnerability.  

Psalm 109 is one of those wonderful imprecatory Psalms where David “bleeds out” his heart to God asking for vengeance upon his enemies.  It’s wonderful because he gives us permission to voice our pain and agony in the safety of prayer.  Maybe that’s where bleeding out ought to stay.  Did I make a mistake in at least two instances of allowing myself to believe that conversations were safe?  Are there safe people with whom to discuss pain, heartache, rejection, damage done to our very souls?  I hope so, but we risk betrayal and being penalized for our vulnerability and may be deemed too damaged to be of use.

I will say without equivocation ‘that being judged to be of no use’, is always wrong.  Bleeding out is not sin and should not be treated as such.  It should stop at some point;  a plan for healing should be developed.  It will become another testimony for God’s ability to heal even the most callous, insensitive and ignorant words and actions that a human being can do to another.  To be chastised for a gross sin is one thing; discipline is needed; a plan of treatment prescribed.  But for the injured?  

The other day my five year old neighbor had just discovered his ability to reach the outside garage door remote on the door frame.  He invented a game of raising  the door and simultaneously jumping on the foot pad that is normally used to push the door down in the event of a power outage.  What fun!  To ride on your own elevator.  Fortunately, he did not get hurt and sort of listened to my chastisement for treating a 200 pound garage door as a toy.  Now, if he had gotten hurt…If he had gotten pinned under the door (assuming the electric eye wasn’t working), and I still chastised him while he was screaming for help, wouldn’t that have been cruel?  

Pain comes in all forms.  Unfortunately it most often comes in the form of a well-meaning person.  Some believe they have a knowledge of Scripture that enables them to quote various verses at will, using them in such a fashion that the Bible becomes for them, a sort of weapon.  Others effectively try to be the Holy Spirit, bringing the conviction of sin that they believe is well-deserved. And some, honestly, are just fools.  They lack knowledge, tact and the necessary experience to speak into a given situation,  and create havoc wherever they go.

Regardless, and this is the miracle, God is in the business of redemption.  Just because  He didn’t answer David’s plea of retribution in the affirmative in Psalm 109, He will not ignore your plea for justice.  Nor will He let a painful situation in our life go to waste.  He knows our pain….intimately.  I suppose the lesson here is to spend more time on our knees bleeding out to our loving God and Savior and less time effusing all over each other.  Don’t get me wrong.  We need each other.  We need friendships that are safe.  So, be wise in choosing who those friends are.  But always be praying about the words that come out of your mouth and the feelings that you emote.

All I can say is, “What’s next God?”  I’m not finished yet.  I do remember a conflict early in my youth ministry days.  The parents had requested a meeting with the senior pastor to complain about my apparent ill treatment of their son.  I remember going into that meeting without fear, without trepidation but waiting and watching what God would do if I would merely humble myself before God and before them.  I hope I can remember that the next time.  Humility seems to work really well, because God always has the last word.  

The Water Song

 Come, oh come! let us away--

Lower, lower every day, 

Oh, what joy it is to race

Down to find the lowest place. 

This the dearest law we know--

"It is happy to go low."

Sweetest urge and sweetest will,

"Let us go down lower still."

Hear the summons night and day

Calling us to come away.

From the heights we leap and flow

To the valleys down below.

Always answering to the call,

To the lowest place of all.

Sweetest urge and sweetest pain,

To go low and rise again.

Hinds Feet on High Places

Hannah Hurnard