If You're Called to be a Pastor....then Act like One

If You're Called to be a Pastor....then Act like One

For the past three years I have been searching for a 'new call' (that's the phraseology that churches use when they hire a new pastor). But I have issues with that term as you can read in my last blog. So, in essence, I have been waiting for a church or ministry to validate my credentials, hire me, pay me, give a good insurance package and other perks and then I will do the pastor thing. Meanwhile, I have struggled to earn a living doing whatever I can to bring home a paycheck. One excuse I've used is that I'm really tired at the end of the day...and I am. Most of my work has been physical labor. I had a stint at a mental health hospital and that left me very dry...not for the faint of heart.

I must put in a caveat here mentioning that I haven't been completely out of the loop of the pastoring role. Tracy and I have traveled to Cameroon and Uganda providing support to missionaries, we have led a weekly college study, taught Sunday School, and mentored young couples via 'google hangouts'. I have discipled young men and hopefully ministered to some of the people for whom I have worked. But I know in my heart that I've been holding back. I have been hoping that someone would notice my efforts, check my references(mostly good) and offer me that elusive job.

I think today was a turning point as I was meeting with my buddy Logan. We read a verse from Proverbs 18:12, "Before a downfall the heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor." Maybe I have been prideful in my approach to these ministries. The whole interview process is so confusing. You're supposed to put your best foot forward...but with humility. I have made it to the 'top of the heap' four times over these past 3 years, only to be deselected....rejected. Most recently last month where I attended the ministry's camp for 8 days and engaged with students, leaders and men and women familiar with the ministry for decades. I believe I gave it my best, but I have to trust that God has a better place for me.

That's really the key isn't it? Do I trust God? It's easy to say you trust when things are going well. But what about now? God doesn't seem to be coming through. I'm still underemployed. My friend Ray wrote me a heartfelt letter and quoted Deitrich Bonhoeffer, “Discipleship is not limited to what you can comprehend – it must transcend all comprehension. Plunge into the deep waters beyond your own comprehension, and I will help you to comprehend even as I do. Bewilderment is the true comprehension. Not to know where you are going is the true knowledge. Abraham would be the best example of this in Genesis 12:1, "The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you."

And my friend and mentor(because he's older) Lou and I discussed at length Jacob wrestling with God or was it God wrestling with Jacob. Jacob, that conniver and cheat; what did he think he would get when he demanded that God bless him? And yet, don't we make demands on God also. Maybe God wants to bless us but we're too busy in our pity parties to look around and see. Like Jacob, maybe our past has come back to haunt us.

I have had moments...sometime very long moments...days, weeks, months where I have been extremely discouraged. I cry out, "Why can't I do what I have been prepared to do!" "God are you listening?" My work as a handyman requires me to dress in work clothes. Most of the time I feel pretty scummy wearing paint stained shorts and old t-shirts. I have based my worth on external things...dress, money, position, approval, etc. It's hard to break out of the mold that this world places on you.

So, a couple of weeks ago I sensed God saying to me, "You are called to be a pastor...act like one." The thought reoccured today, so that is what has produced this blog. I'm trying to figure out what this means. It could mean different things to different people, but what about me? This is what I've come up with so far:

1. Be involved with Christian body. We have connected with two churches over the past 3 years, but left disillusioned at the lack of....well, let's just leave it at that.

2. Be intentional with my customers. I call my business, "A Ministry of Handyman Services". It was my intent to be a pastor to them if they desired it. I have not done well in this area. I tend to be very task-oriented. i.e. "Get the job done! Talking is wasting money"

3. We'll do our Sunday night College Bible study again.

4. Writing this blog has given me an opportunity to think through theological and practical issues. Thanks for reading! "I find out what I'm thinking when I write."

5. Read. This is difficult when I am physically tired. I would often rather plop in front of the 'idiot box'(my father's term for the TV). I've watched the entire Dr. Who series from 2005-Present in the last 6 months. It's educational...sort of.

6. I would welcome more opportunities to preach.

That's all I've come up with so far. I welcome your thoughts here.

Finally, if there's anything I've learned in these three years is that God is much bigger, holier, more incomprehensible and terrifying than I ever imagined. I have to read His Word which reminds me that He is all these things but He's also good. If you're a Narnia fan you must remember this conversation:

One of the children not having met Aslan asks Mr. Beaver if this creature called Aslan is safe...“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

If I'm struggling with this concept then what must people in Syria, Iraq and other unstable countries be thinking? The Bible reminds us that He entered this world, endured the suffering meant for us and comforts us by telling us that "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world."

I will be a pastor. Because that has become my identity. Of course, I'm much more than that. But I know I am called by God to represent him to this world. And I can't do that if I'm sitting at home sulking because the last ministry rejected me. I also know that without His Word feeding me, His Holy Spirit coursing through my blood, bones, muscles and sinews and recognizing that His purposes are so much greater than mine, that all my efforts will amount to nothing.

When Jesus said, "“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me," he really meant something that I really haven't comprehended yet. Somehow that doesn't sound like the American version of Christianity. It doesn't sound safe at all.

Thanks for reading....it's been therapeutic for me.